Beyond the practical purpose of transferring assets and reducing taxes, an estate plan reflects love, responsibility, and values. That emotional heaviness may be part of why many families avoid the subject. Pew Research reports that only about 3 in 10 US adults have created a basic estate plan (a Will and a “living will” or advance directive), and most do not have these documents until their 70s.[1]
Pew also found that, while most parents age 65 and older have talked to their adult children about end-of-life preferences, a large percentage still have not.
- 32% have not discussed medical decision-making.
- 34% have not discussed what to do with belongings.
- 56% have not discussed future living arrangements.
- Only 20% have made burial or funeral plans.
Parents over age 75 are more likely to have had these discussions, but the overall numbers remain low.
The hesitation is not limited to documents; it extends to conversations as well. Financial advisory firm Edward Jones found that more than one-third of Americans do not plan to discuss wealth transfers.[2] Although it is important that “the talk” happen before “the transfer,” only 27% of adults with children have discussed generational wealth.[3]
A separate 2025 study found that death and estate planning ranked among the most uncomfortable family topics, trailing only sex and relationships, and on par with life regrets and mental health.[4]
Notably, people think about death far more often than they talk about it: Nearly 1 in 5 say they think about their own mortality daily, yet only 17% have thought about who will inherit their possessions.[5]
Nearly half say that they do not feel that asking about their inheritance is appropriate.[6]
When people articulate reasons for avoiding planning, the reasons are often mundane:
- Unnecessary: They think planning is unnecessary because they do not have enough assets or anyone to leave them to.
- Procrastination: They have put off planning and just have not gotten around to it.
- Lack of knowledge: They have not created a plan because they do not know where to start and are often intimidated by initiating the planning process.
- Cost: They avoid planning because they think it is too expensive and do not fully understand its value.
Surveys show the same themes year after year.[1]
How to Have “the Talk”: Estate Planning Conversation Starters
Procrastination often masks deeper worries: fear of death or losing independence, privacy concerns, or the sense that an estate plan must be perfect.
A practical estate planning attorney may strive to meet people where they are and start small. Psychologists agree that breaking big tasks into smaller pieces helps people break their decision paralysis[2] and move from avoidance to action.
Here is one approach to begin the conversation with aging parents about their estate plan.
Choose the Right Moment
Estate planning conversations do not usually belong at holiday dinners, large family gatherings, or moments already charged with emotion. Those settings are fertile ground for miscommunication, defensiveness, or someone feeling ambushed.
Choose a calm, private time, such as an unhurried afternoon, a coffee together, or a quiet walk. The more relaxed the environment, the more naturally the topic can unfold instead of feeling forced.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Approach the topic with curiosity instead of conclusions. Instead of saying, “You need a will,” you might try the following:
- “Have you thought about how you would want things handled if you got sick?”
- “What matters most to you as you think about the future?”
- “Are there things you would want us to know, just in case something happens to you?”
Open-ended questions go beyond mere information gathering. They give your parent room to express preferences, fears, or assumptions and reduce the sense that you are pushing an agenda that benefits only yourself.
[1] Victoria Lurie, 2025 Wills and Estate Planning Study, Caring (Sept. 17, 2025), https://www.caring.com/resources/wills-survey.
[2] Samantha Stein, The 3 Ps: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis, Psych. Today (Apr. 30, 2024), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/202404/the-3-ps-perfectionism-procrastination-and-paralysis.
[1] Luona Lin & Juliana Menasce Horowitz, Experiences with Estate Planning and Discussing End-of-Life Preferences, Pew Rsch. Ctr. (Nov. 6. 2025), https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2025/11/06/experiences-with-estate-planning-and-discussing-end-of-life-preferences.
[2] The Great Wealth Transfer Starts with the Great Wealth Talk, Edward Jones Research Finds, Edward Jones (Feb. 27, 2024), https://www.edwardjones.com/us-en/why-edward-jones/news-media/press-releases/great-wealth-transfer-research.
[3] Id.
[4] Two-Thirds of Americans Have “Planned” Their Funerals, But Majority Avoid Estate Planning Conversations, StudyFinds (Sept. 23, 2025), https://studyfinds.org/americans-planned-funerals-avoid-estate-conversations.
[5] Id.
[6] Id.